Closed

I can't remember when. I can't remember how. It happened. I stop opening up to people. I stop trusting people. It kind of happen, only I couldn't remember.


One day a friend asked, "I have never seen you cry. It's not good you know to keep em bottled up inside." But what do I do. My eyes won't obey me. My heart hurts, I feel like crying but my eyes.. they won't just drop it. Is it normal? Sometimes I wonder, since when do I stop trusting people? What happened?

I guess this must not be normal then huh? Even this petty thing became an issue in my previous relationship. Cause I don't tell him stories, my feelings or how my day was. Funny. I thought nobody feel the need to know. Or actually, nobody bothers anyway. Whatever it is, I tried. 

But everytime I tried I get crushed, disappointed, sad, angry; it's a mixture. Is this normal? Have I always been this way? What happened?

People would ask by the way, "Are you okay?" "Are you doing well?" and such. I think I'm expected to share my worries then. But, I feel obligatory to answer, "Yeah. I'm okay." Cause I don't want to feel burdened with their sorry eyes and forced replies. Cause you know in the end, you only got yourself.

Perhaps most of the time when I started to trust people, they question me (assumptions). Or rather, I question them. So instead of learning to lean on other people a bit I learned to lean on my own. Sad. What happened, though?

Perhaps this isn't me anymore :)