Let it go

~Assalammualaikum , holla-holla

Makin tenang trafik blog aq ni sebab aq dah jarang nak update . Sorry untuk sesiapa yang menanti , sama-sama untuk yang memang tak nak tahu :) Well , korang semua pon tau kenapa aq jarang update . So sekarang aq nak cerita perkara di sebalik 'jarang update' aq tu .

Registered as a freshie at MJSC JB . Worried , curious and excited . Meeting strangers in a new state which I'm not quite familiar . The feeling being there is terrifying , and still terrifying me till now . Orientation for a week packed with tight , scheduled activities . I started to imagine my life like when I went for camping before . Morning I woke up at 4.30 o' clock so that I won't be lining up waiting for my turn to use the shower . Go for Subuh and breakfast . Morning call and continued with activities . And during the orientation week I started to know a song entitled 'Story of My Life' by 1D . Everyone in that school seem to know that song very well . 'Let It Go' from the animation Frozen is a hit too . I don't know why . .

When the class has started after the orientation week , I felt relieved and very humble at the same time . I started to know my new classmates who mostly comes from the same state , Johor . I felt very humble and low ..

And they are all like gifted and gorgeous and genius and have so many talent to show . And I were just , me . I am not as good as they are and not so genius like they did . I'm just a plain me . The plain me who will have a hard time making people to remember my name , show them what I have in me and what I can do for them . Me who is scared to express to the public . That's me . But , at least I'm real .

You know what . That's not all that I'm having a hard time too . I'm having a hard time to be friend with others . Mainly because I am not friendly and not the type that can talk for hours with strangers whom I just met a month ago . I kept pushing the one who approached me cause I felt nothing in common between us . My mind is shadowed by memories with my best buddies here in Rembau . I felt uncomfortable cause I had to learn to accept a whole new classmates and batch . That's quite a number for me when I have nobody to share my feelings with . And I have to smile a lot cause nobody will not be friend with somebody who is smile-less and that is a hard thing to do as I am not the type who smile to strangers too . That's the only part when I am not me . Fake .

The subjects are okay , but the teachings which are vital to me were not so okay cause I need somebody to teach me if not I will be clueless and that's what happens now . The teachers are not caring . I felt burden to carry the new subjects when the teachers were attending courses or meetings or working out of the state and they will not enter to teach us lessons . Can I fit in and study on my own ? I kept asking myself this question over and over again . Right now , I'm learning to adapt to the study method first cause that is why I accept the offer to be in an MJSC in the first place . Life is hard . Sooner or later , I have to accept that fact . 

Now , I need to brace myself to survive living there and in the future world . Cause I'm the one who made this decision in the first place . I took a brave little step by accepting this rare offer . I brave myself to leave my very , very , very bestfriend here and live there with nobody that I know . O' Allah , please make me stronger with the help from You . Give me strength to live there . Please grant this wish from your humble servant . Aminn . 

Good night everyone .

~Wassalam , xoxo